I'm having a really hard time right now. I feel like everyone has a beef, and everyone's beef is me. I'm probably blowing it out of proportion in my head. It was a really difficult choice for me to decide to go for the Games. And I made the choice knowing that I'd have to make some sacrifices. Apparently, the sacrifice was my sanity and peace of mind. The worst part is that I could probably take everyone having an issue with me, if I didn't turn it into me having an issue with myself. Beating myself up mentally right now is not only affecting my sleep, it's affecting my workouts, my home life... everything. I've never wanted to throw in the towel more than I do right now, and never worked so hard to hang on to it. What a strange place to be.
Deadlift 3x5, 1x20
5 rds for time:
10 Dumbbell Squat Clean Thrusters (35 lb DBs)
15 Step-Ups 20" box w/35 lb DBs
200 M Farmer Walk w/35 lb DBs
Time -- 48:26
That was awful. I wanted to quit. It was raining intermittently and I wanted to excuse myself from the farmer walks. I wanted to get lighter dumbbells. I kept telling myself that Sven made a mistake - he must have sent me the men's weight.
I KNEW it was going to be awful. And it was. But every day - I hold a mirror up to people's faces - the mirror has the truth in it. It shows you exactly where you are and what you need to do to get where you want to be. The ones that can't handle the truth usually find themselves somewhere else for some reason or another. I am not perfect. I am not the best. I make mistakes and I don't always do the right thing. I can't ask others to look in the mirror and face the truth if I am not willing to do the same thing. And the truth was - I was capable of finishing the workout as it was written. And I will never be sorry that I did.