Wednesday, May 27, 2009

05-26-09 Tuesday Week 16

I'm having a really hard time right now. I feel like everyone has a beef, and everyone's beef is me. I'm probably blowing it out of proportion in my head. It was a really difficult choice for me to decide to go for the Games. And I made the choice knowing that I'd have to make some sacrifices. Apparently, the sacrifice was my sanity and peace of mind. The worst part is that I could probably take everyone having an issue with me, if I didn't turn it into me having an issue with myself. Beating myself up mentally right now is not only affecting my sleep, it's affecting my workouts, my home life... everything. I've never wanted to throw in the towel more than I do right now, and never worked so hard to hang on to it. What a strange place to be.

Training Log
Deadlift 3x5, 1x20
200x20 (16/4)

5 rds for time:
10 Dumbbell Squat Clean Thrusters (35 lb DBs)
15 Step-Ups 20" box w/35 lb DBs
200 M Farmer Walk w/35 lb DBs

Time -- 48:26

That was awful. I wanted to quit. It was raining intermittently and I wanted to excuse myself from the farmer walks. I wanted to get lighter dumbbells. I kept telling myself that Sven made a mistake - he must have sent me the men's weight.
I KNEW it was going to be awful. And it was. But every day - I hold a mirror up to people's faces - the mirror has the truth in it. It shows you exactly where you are and what you need to do to get where you want to be. The ones that can't handle the truth usually find themselves somewhere else for some reason or another. I am not perfect. I am not the best. I make mistakes and I don't always do the right thing. I can't ask others to look in the mirror and face the truth if I am not willing to do the same thing. And the truth was - I was capable of finishing the workout as it was written. And I will never be sorry that I did.


Jonathan said...

Keep it up, Shana. You're my ticket to California!

Patrick Haskell said...

Keep plugging away, Shana. That workout makes a fine metaphor for your Games prep. It sucks and seems interminable much of the time you're doing it, but in the larger scheme, it's a short period of time, and will have a big payoff in the end. Six weeks of prep to go. Go hard!

Drew said...

We compete in the sport of fitness. Even on our worst days, we are better off than 95% of the population. Each day that you do the WOD, you are that much better off for it both in fitness and in life! In addition, you also have the choice everyday to have a good day. Simply choose to and you will.

Sven said...

That is what we call character....
Hang in there, keep fighting, keep doing the right thing.
It's easy to do the right thing when life is good and easy, when the going get's tough... well it's a totally different ball game. You make me immensely proud with everything you do. I know that you inspire people to do better. We are all human, we all have flaws, recognizing that and still keep on doing what we think is right is proof of what being a great person is.
In my book, you are a great person Shana.
Keep slogging it out. You will find inner strength, even if it sucks right now. When you walk out of the storm you will be a better and stronger person.
I have faith in you, and if there is anything I can do to help you, just say the word.
Ok so now take your CFED Churchill t-shirt, read it, and put it on. Then go forth and conquer!

Maya said...

This is your 'life' workout. It's physically, mentally, socially, and financially draining. Much like any workout there will be a point where you'll come out on top and realize it's passsed. This will make you a better person and more mentally fit than ever.
You are an inspiration to me. You do something you love and are actually GOOD at that something. How many ppl do you think have that luxury??? In telecom we are always Fn something up...which is why we are always saying, 'day by day'. It's a new day tomorrow, start over.

christin said...

You got stressed out before the Qualifers, too. Rememeber? Look back in your blog and you'll find it. Read it then think back and try to remember what you did to get through that tough time. What made the difference?
You have so many people rootin' for you Shana. You are such a huge, huge inspiration to us all.

jpmummey said...

I would quote Dolly Parton again, but she never competed in the Crossfit Games. She just wrote country songs.

You're competing for the title of fittest woman on the face of the earth. 1 out of 3,250,000,000 give or take a million. What part of that is supposed to be easy?

No part. You've come this far. Finish strong

dawn said...

Shana - i've been following you since right before i met you at your Oly cert earlier this year. and what i can say is that you're doing freaking awesome. you've trained hard and pushed through and that showed evident at the qualifiers. you are an inspiration for so many so keep that thought in the back of your mind when it wants to go awry.

i'm secretly living vicariously through your experience since mine was cut short this season due to plaguing injuries....but we always need to remember....there's a reason for everything. my lesson these days, slow down and learn how to rest.

keep it up girl, you're throwing up some phenominal times and numbers so don't sweat the little shit.

Shana A. said...

Thanks for all the support, everyone. It means more to me than you all know.